Sitting in God’s seat

I love to encourage and pour into people. But even more than that, I love to see them walk things out that I’ve shared from God’s Word and see the fulfillment of God’s promises in their lives.

But I’ve found that many times, God uses my relationship with someone that I am trying to help, mentor or rescue as a way to keep reminding me that I’m not Him and I am never to sit in His place in someone else’s life. I remember Him encouraging me one day, when I was disappointed that a ministry opportunity I had become involved in didn’t seem to be going anywhere. As my shoulders slumped in a subtle sign of defeat, I heard Him clearly say to me, “You can’t be everything to everybody. That would make you Me.”

So simple. So true. It’s the answer to life’s questions. I’m not God.

As a Christian, it’s hard to not care about others. It’s hard to not give your all for the sake of others. But you have to maintain a proper and healthy balance in ministering to others, if you want to be effective and healthy. It’s helpful to remember these 4 simple things:

1. I have only a role in someone’s life, not a responsibility to change it.

What is your role in the person’s life you are ministering to? You may even have to ask God to show you this. Maybe your role is not to mentor them but to pray for them. Maybe your role is not to be their closest confidante but to simply share your advice and wisdom when its requested. Or your role may include all of these things and more. Knowing where you fit in someone’s life will help you find balance and not sit in God’s seat.

2. I am not you, you are not me, and we will never be the same.

We tend to think sometimes that if the tables were turned, we would respond to truth or outreach differently than those we are ministering to. Why can’t they see it? Why won’t they just listen? What am I doing wrong? Well, not only are you not God, but the person you are ministering to is not you. They are who they are at this moment and it may take time to see growth. You’ve grown over time and they will also. Be prepared that it may be at a slower pace than you’re comfortable with, but don’t give up on them. Keep praying and trusting and resting in God’s power to save, heal and deliver.

3. I cannot control outcomes.

Burnout and apathy after ministering to others can occur when we try to control outcomes in a person’s life with our words, actions toward them, and even our prayers. When a person we are ministering to takes a detour or rejects us, we are tempted to throw up our hands and declare, “Forget it, I’m done!” Where would any of us be if the Lord responded this way? This is probably the hardest thing to accept, that there will be uncontrollable and unpredictable outcomes as you provide ministry to others. If you’re trying to control the outcomes, you will end up feeling like a hamster on a wheel, running fast but going nowhere. You don’t have the power to change a person’s life completely. That’s God’s job. Your job is to keep praying, teaching and loving them, while trusting and believing that God will do what’s best for them in His perfect timing.

4. I may need to take a step back.

As I said in #3, don’t give up on the person you are ministering to. However, there may come a time when you need to take a step back. You’ve helped them take off the training wheels and get onto the bike, but they now have to figure out how to ride by themselves. Can you remember the first time the training wheels were taken off of your bike when you were a young child? Your parents watched as you jiggled and jolted about and eventually either fell off the bike or crashed into something nearby. You got up and your parents helped you try again. Sometimes in ministering to others, you will have to take a step back and watch from a distance as a person tries to ride on their own. Like your parents, you are there to gently help them up again, but you cannot ride with them or they will never learn on their own. God may even allow something to happen to let you know you need to begin watching their progress from a distance, because you may have become too involved. This can bring a lot of hurt and pain. Pray about your level of involvement and make sure you are using wisdom from God as you minister.

 

This is not an exhaustive list of how to maintain balance in ministry, but just a few things I’ve come to know during my own journey of trying to reach others. I have found in recent years that when I am able to not just remind myself of these things, but accept that in all of my knowledge, wisdom and passion to see others succeed, I am only an instrument, a vessel, a small piece of someone’s life puzzle that God Himself is working to complete.

 

Marriage is not the ultimate goal

So many young ladies today are spending their lives lamenting being single. I know some young women who find it difficult to enjoy any God-given day simply because they are ringless. This type of mindset leads them to despise the wait for a mate, make unwise choices regarding their relationships and create an idol out of marriage.

I want to encourage you godly, single ladies in waiting and share some (hopefully) helpful insights with you.

First and foremost, you must believe being single at this point in your life is not a curse or a “condition” to be ashamed of. If you are single right now,  it is the current state of where God has you and He has perfectly good reasons for it. You are not single because you are unattractive, unintelligent, or unworthy of a mate. The devil will use these lies to bring about depression and low self-esteem while you’re waiting. He will attempt to make you feel as though there is something wrong with you physically and that you are the only woman on planet Earth who is not experiencing courtship. You have to be on guard against this by keeping your mind focused on Christ.

If you are in Christ, you can trust Him to always do what’s best for you. If He has not given you your mate at this moment, rest assured He knows what He’s doing. His ways are perfect. Marriage is not the ultimate goal for you. Becoming more like Christ is. Seek Him and His ways and when it’s time for you to be married, you will be ready and equipped to do the work. And trust me, marriage is work.

Spending your single years focused only on finding a mate but spending little to no time cultivating your personal relationship with Christ is not God’s will for your life. You are single right now, but you still belong to the Lord. He desires to have a relationship with you right where you are. His purpose and plan for your life is already in motion, so you should not be living as though you are in a “holding pattern” until the day you finally meet someone. God desires to use you – right now. Each day you wake, instead of asking Him “Where is my mate?” try asking Him “How can I be a blessing to someone today?” Live your life with eternity in mind, let God use you and seek to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Single woman, your life is valuable and you are of utmost worth to the Lord, the Church and your community. You were created for good works in Christ (Ephesians 2:10) and saved by His precious blood to glorify God with your life. Your hands and feet are needed – right now. Your life can be used for the furtherance of the Gospel – right now. You are not “less than” because you are still waiting to be a wife. The God of the universe created you and you are to live for Him each day as if it were your last. Each day is a gift from God. Please don’t waste another second taking that for granted. 

Stay in God’s Word, remain passionate in prayer and seek the wisdom of older godly women to keep you strengthened and to help sustain you while you’re single. Surround yourselves with spiritually mature friends who will edify and challenge you in your walk with Christ, women who refuse to help you lament your single state. And get busy in your church or community! What a blessing you can be right now! There is much work to be done to the glory of God.

Pray for your husband to be. Trust that God will send him to you at the right time. Ask the Lord to prepare you for the role of being a wife and a mother. And wait patiently.

But most important, seek to be more like Him.

Psalm 138:8

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever…